The Tough Questions

Have you ever asked someone, “How does this outfit look on me?”

When I’m shopping for clothes, I want someone to give me an honest answer about how something looks on me. While I’d love it if they told me it looked great, I really do want them to be truthful. Ultimately, I don’t want to go home with an outfit I’ll never wear.

As we endure trials in life, it’s important that we have friends who will speak truthfully to us. Not just about clothes … but about the important stuff. The hard stuff. The messy stuff.

Friends who just tell us what we want to hear might be good for our ego, but they are not going to help us grow.

Proverbs 29:5

“To flatter friends

Is to lay a trap at their feet."

If you’re anything like me, you don’t like hearing that there are things in your life that could change. It’s hard for me to hear that I could have more patience with my kids or more grace with my husband. I don’t like hearing that I have things in my life to work on, but I need to listen when a friend is trying to give me advice to help me grow into the person God wants me to be.

Proverbs 25:12

“To one who listens, valid criticism

Is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry.”

What is valid criticism? I think I can explain what it’s not. It’s not someone wanting you to change because they don’t like who you are. It’s not someone trying to push their agenda on you. It’s not someone trying to change you out of jealousy.

Valid criticism comes from a true friend who loves God and has your best interests at heart. They want you to grow and maybe even change something in your life because they know that God is still working on you and they want to be part of the refining process. Valid criticism comes from someone you can trust and who has proven their friendship over time.

An important part of letting God refine you is being open to the help and advice of others. While we see things mainly from our own point of view, a trusted friend can offer valuable suggestions from a different perspective. Our job is to be open to receive that advice when it comes from a loving source.

Proverbs 28:23

“In the end, people appreciate honest criticism

Far more than flattery.”

When I ask a friend for sincere advice, I may secretly hope they tell me what I want to hear. But flattery is not what I’m really after. Recently I had a heart-to-heart talk with a close friend. I shared some things that I was struggling with in my life. She quietly listened to me and at the end she asked me one brief question.

“What are you going to do about it?”

Through this simple question, she showed me that she loves me enough not to let me whine and wallow. She was calling me to action, gently refining me.

 Proverbs 29:1

“Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism

will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.”

Prayer:  Heavenly Father, thank you for placing friends in our lives who love us enough to ask us the tough questions. May our hearts be open to listen to them. May we receive honest criticism from people who love us and care about us enough not to let us grow stagnant and bitter. We love You and want to continue to grow into the person You created us to be.