What Do You Expect?

My husband once told me that I expect too much out of people. When he said this to me, it was one of those comments I didn’t want to hear because it was painfully true. I am definitely guilty of putting unrealistic expectations on my friends, my family and even my husband.

Some expectations are fine. I expect my kids to work hard in school, do their chores at home and show respect to others. However, I can’t expect them to be perfect. They are going to fight with each other. They are going to fail. They are going to do things that make me want to crawl into a hole. I cannot have unrealistic expectations for them and I need to love them even when they let me down.

When we were first married, I had lofty expectations of my husband. He needed to have a good job, treat me like a queen, be frugal with money and spend all of his free time with me. How hard could that be? I wanted him to give me the world on a silver platter, and when that didn’t happen (imagine that!), I was disappointed.

When I raised my expectations of him to such a high level, there was no way he could reach them. Not even with an extension ladder or a ten-foot pole. It caused a lot of tension in our marriage when he wanted to golf on Saturdays instead of spending time with me. What I didn’t realize was that since he excelled at golf, playing 18 holes was a way for him to do something he was good at and to blow off steam. Steam that may have come from the weight of my expectations!

In the end, I decided to take up golf myself so we could play together. Now our whole family can golf and it’s a fun way to spend time together. It still gets a little tense when golf season rolls around, but I’m working on being supportive – or at least tolerant of the time spent golfing. I’m trying to accept my husband and encourage him, even if it includes golf!

In the book “One Month to Live” by Kerry & Chris Shook, there’s a section about accepting others. They say, “One of our greatest problems in relationships is that we’re always trying to change the people we’re relating to. To accept others means that we stop trying to change them and we start trying to understand them.” They cite Romans 15:7 which says, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

My daughter and I recently saw the movie, “Tooth Fairy” starring Dwayne Johnson (previously known as “The Rock”), who plays a washed-up professional hockey player. After one hockey game, Johnson meets a little boy who idolizes him. The little boy looks at his idol and says, “One day I’m going to play in the big leagues just like you!” However, instead of encouraging the kid, Johnson tells him how hard life is as a hockey player and that only a small percentage of kids who play hockey ever end up playing it professionally. He goes on and on with his tirade and then ends by saying, “Lower your expectations.” I’m pretty sure that’s not what the boy wanted to hear from his hero.

However, it may actually be a good concept for relationships. Maybe if we could lower our unrealistic expectations of others, we would enjoy our relationships more. There are some things like honesty, trust & loyalty that are essential to relationships, but there are other things that are not. If we’re looking to others to meet needs that only God can meet, then our expectations will always fall short.

Prayer: Lord, I want to look at others through Your eyes. I don’t want to judge others or put urealistic expectations on them. Just as You accept me as I am, please help me to accept others. I want to bring You praise by accepting others as a beautiful creation You made.

If you want to know more, read Matthew 7:1-5 and Romans 15:7-13.